In this post, I am going to talk about my experience while
serving national service. Going through national service is indeed the toughest
phase of my life because of my introvert character. To do well during national
service, one needs to be outspoken and have the hunger to perform and show his
leadership. However, I lost out in these aspects as I prefer to be led than
lead. Furthermore, I do not have the advantage of being able settle down in a
new environment quickly. Therefore, I am more likely to make lots of mistake
during this period of time.
For my field camp in BMT, I have the mindset of wanting to
survive the training and getting over with it instead of treating it as a
learning experience. Learning experience referring to helping each other during
the training, and being stronger physically and mentally. This is mainly due to
my unpreparedness physically for the demanding tasks which we are required to
perform. (Morning fast march, night mission, firing drill etc.)
However, I believe that my willingness to try
helped me survive my journey in national service. Although it may not be good
enough, but it will get me somewhere. Keep on trying is important as when a challenge
arrives, you will be prepared to face it and overcome it. Now having completed
national service and entering university life, I hope that my persistent in
trying again will help me achieve desirable results this time.
There is a minor issue on sentence structure e.g the second sentence would be better if it is "Being an introvert, national service is the toughest phase of my life. It is necessary to interact with people around me but I find it difficult." Third sentence, "In order to do well,...". Fourth sentence, "I lose out..'
ReplyDeleteSecond paragraph, "As I was unprepared..."
Overall, have to be more careful on tenses, sentence structure and vocabulary.
On a side note, thanks for this informative piece of essay. As a female, I get to know national service better.
*this is my two cents worth.
Quite inspiring story by Jared in sharing his life in NS and to have the determination to fight through his journey in NS despite of his weaknesses in personal character. Good vocabulary are used and connector are used as appropriate.
ReplyDeleteCertain areas to take note:
- Sentence structure to be improved
- Clarity in sentences to be more precise
- More cautious of the tenses
- Paragraphing can be improved
Hey Jared. This is a great post and I want to thank you for sharing your NS experience. I am glad to know that you have been able to overcome your introversion.
ReplyDeleteI do find some grammatical errors n your writing. You have made some errors in your tenses, by using the present tense and even future tense in areas where you should have used the past tense. For example "national service has been the toughest phase of my life" rather than "is the toughest phase of my life".
Yet, I do see how the ideas are being developed incrementally through your paragraphs, from how NS was in the beginning, to where you are now. Nice work :)
Jared,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experience during your time in national service. It is very interesting indeed. The main thing is you recognised your weaknesses and worked hard toward improving your attitude. Determination can bring you through many hurdles in life. I am sure you will do well at university--continue to reflect on your strengths and weaknesses, work hard to improve on your learning attitude and work consistently at university, and I am sure you will do well.
Organisation and content: This is a well-structured piece of writing. You clearly described the challenges you faced and the feelings you had during national service. I was able to follow clearly your growth in character along your learning journey.
Language: Just a few minor grammatical errors.
1. Do some reading and fix the error with 'Although...but'
Although it may not be good enough, but it will get me somewhere.
2. Look at the parallelism in this sentence:
Now having completed national service and entering university life
3. Incorrect use of word form. Can you spot the error?
I hope that my persistent in trying again